When you break up with someone, can you still remain friends? I’d say friends no! Cordial yes…. Some may think it’s a good idea because you used to love them at one point in your life. Would that change because the two of you have broken up? Probably not, but what if that person hurt you in a way that you will not be able to forget what he/she has done. Note that I said "forget" and not forgive. See it’s easier to me to forgive a person than it is to forget. I’m sure that their must have been things that originally attracted you to that person in the first place, but personally that's how couples end up making up to breaking up. Maybe they’re still funny, smart, and good looking, but that to me doesn’t change what he or she has done. I’m not telling you to be bitter; I’m just telling you to let the past relationship define itself. If you have kids then being cordial has even greater value, but let’s not pitch our kids falls hope. Mommy and Daddy trying to do things like old times can definitely confuse your kids into thinking that you will be one happy family again. I think trying to be friends cause us to ignore how painful it might be just to see that person. This keeps us from ever really moving forward with our lives and also frustrating for the people around us. What do you think?
I TOTALLY agree with you here...And while forgetting about the pain once caused, may make you comfortable and revert back to the way things used to be...Never allowing you to move on...Plus the trust wont ever be the same if something happened to make th trust dissapear...and there is no ignoring that...
ReplyDeleteI definitely do NOT do the friends thing after a break up. From what I've seen and the one time I tried it, I learned that someone always still has those old feelings. That inevitably leads to problems, especially when the other decides to move on with someone else. Plus, I'm the type of person who holds grudges so I know I'd still bring up the past or make snarky remarks. Once the relationship is over, I cut all ties.
ReplyDelete@ JStar once the trust is gone it's pretty much over.
ReplyDelete@ Tori D. I feel u sis.
I can't do the friend thing because somewhere something fell apart at the seams and I can't just ignore it for the sake of "friendship". I rather cut ties completely and move on...it's easier for me to process my emotions than to keep the door open by still keeping in touch.
ReplyDelete@ Kandia I feel u sis.
ReplyDeleteI wish there was a possibility that I could still be friends with some of my ex. But, sadly, this isn't the case. I think the fact that I had loved these women hard, thus hurting them or their hurting me, ended up making us hate each other.
ReplyDeleteSeriously.
Then, I imagine, there are the ex's who you really don't want to be friends with, cause you really have lost all feelings for.
So, no, I haven't been able to really be friends with either.
I really feel that it's meant to be that way. It's hard to move foward when you still tryna maintain the past. Cordial,that's all I can give.
ReplyDeleteI think it really depends upon what happened during the relationship. There are women that I was intimate with, that I wouldn't want to speak to and others that I could see having lunch with.
ReplyDeleteBut being in the friend zone with someone you used to be intimate with is a slippery slope indeed.
@ Reggie. True dat
ReplyDeleteWOW...I have written about this and the post before it. I think it depends on the reason for the split. An ex is an ex for a reason. If you could've been friends from the jump, there probably wouldn't be a reason to split. Unless, you realize that the both of you are too good of friends to jeopardized it for a relationship, but it has to be an amicable split in order to be friends afterwards. However, if there is any attraction left, being friends will not work!!!
ReplyDelete@Tia's Real Talk........So true. Thanks 4 stopping by.
ReplyDeletei have remained friends with most if not all of my past bf,fp's, and anything in between. it has more often than not worked out well after both parties get past the reasons that led to the breakup. a few have remained really close friends whose opinion i respect and value b/c they know me in a way most don't
ReplyDeleteI hear u, but once u move on or if you have children it's becomes harder to maintain. Remaining close can interfere with progression in ur own personal life. Ur children c false hope esp. if they are young and sometimes ur heart hasn't closed the door on the part of ur life...that is why some many couples go back in forth esp. baby momma and baby dady lol.. they end up hating eachother when it's all said and done.
ReplyDeleteTo be friends is very difficult, especially if you were in a very long relationship. After my breakup with my ex, i remained cordial, but somewhere along the lines we ended up not even speaking. I would appreciate cordial, but right now i don't even want to see his face, hear his voice, etc...smh
ReplyDelete@Mizrepresent....I feel u sis..I can deal wit c n her face, but I'm only cordial. When she wanted to talk about anything other than my daughter I had no rap. When she wanted to stay alittle longer when picking my daughter up I had no rap....I know where that road leads and I have no rap.
ReplyDelete